Overcoming My Shakes
A Teenage Girl Discovers Her Strengths

By Julia Thomas
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At fifteen, I thought life was a trial. Juggling a social life, my high school classes, cross-country and other sports was tough. I never thought I could squeeze anything more into my tightly woven life; but little did I know, whether I was prepared for it or not, something big was about to interrupt my life forever.

From this disruption, I would learn something about myself that I never knew and find myself fighting against things I didn't know were conquerable.

At the time of my sophomore year, I was an average student, in a few honors classes, keeping up closely with the class. I never received anything lower than a C, and although it was common to see me talking out of turn, I did have the sense to pay attention.

Diagnosed After Second Seizure

Then one day after a visit to the hospital in the ambulance (for the second time that month), I was diagnosed with epilepsy. That day, I sat in the doctor's office hearing I had epilepsy, having no clue what that meant, and not having any idea that my whole life would be different from that moment on.

Following the two seizures was a year of trials to find the right medication. When I was put on my second medication, after a few months of relief the seizures started up again. My doctor told me that I could not continue to play the three sports I had been playing. He said that they would add too much tension on my body and mind.

So I gave up soccer. Then, he suggested I not finish the cross-country year. It is an extremely competitive sport, and the fact that I took it so seriously added to my stress at the meets. Having to give up sports because of a disorder I didn't want to have made me so angry.

A few weeks later, while running my championship race, I began to feel a pain in my arm, and my vision began to get blurry. I knew a seizure was coming on, but I thought that maybe if I held tightly onto my arm to stop it from quivering, I could put a halt to the seizure. I should have stopped, but I kept going. I was determined to finish the race, either on the ground or running across the finish line.

The next thing I knew, I was on the ground, people surrounding me, with my face and legs all cut up from the rough gravel. I was disappointed that I had not finished the race, but proud that I had kept going. I didn't make it on to the next level, and the next year I discontinued running cross-country.

While all my friends were getting their driver’s licenses, I had to wait until I was six months seizure-free. I was getting my new medication or being told that I couldn't stay out too late because I needed my sleep. It was hard not to be bitter or angry about these things.

Trouble In School

It wasn't only outside of class that side effects of my disorder affected me. Epilepsy was most difficult to deal with in school. Because of the new medication's side effects, I couldn't concentrate in class, and it was difficult for me to think clearly. Homework was also a problem. My grades began to drop dramatically.

In the beginning of my junior year, the doctors decided to switch my medication for the third time. Although the new medication stopped my seizures, I began my junior year struggling with low grades.

I told my teachers about my situation – that my medication now caused me to have problems with my short-term memory, making it harder for me to learn. But they didn't make allowances for me and I felt beaten down, hopeless and like I was just plain stupid.

Attitude Shifts to Determination

Then somehow the self-pity turned into anger and determination. I stayed after school for help and studied extra hard for tests, getting help whenever I could. Suddenly, I noticed a drastic improvement in my grades. I was so proud; it was as if after all my fighting, I had conquered my disorder.

Though I still have a lot further to go in my fight against epilepsy, I have advanced more than I believed I could a year ago. Some diseases weaken, but mine strengthened me in mind and body. For the first time in my life, I found myself trying harder in school, and I was working harder just to prove to others around me that I could make it against the odds. Even if that weren’t the case, I did make it, and it was for me and no one else.